#Marriage - Men and Marriage

Men, I am speaking directly to you.

Do you think that you are responsible? Let me rephrase the question: Do you know that you are responsible?

I’ve heard guys talk about how it’s okay to go out, get drunk, have sex, spend all their money, live at home, and avoid any long-term employment because this time of their life is excused of having responsibility. You might even believe that it is okay to irresponsible from time to time. 

“It doesn’t hurt anybody, right?” 

“Nobody cares. They’re all doing it too.”

“I love my girlfriend, so it’s totally okay that we have sex.”

“I don’t really want to get a job because it will limit all the fun I’m having.”

Those are some of the ways I have heard men excuse their behavior and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. 

Here is the point: Men, God holds you responsible for yourself, your wife, and your children.

In Genesis, we read that God tells Adam that he is not to eat the fruit of one particular tree. Then, after this happens, Eve is created. We all know what happened after this: they sinned.

After they sinned against God by directly rebelling against His commands, they try to hide from God. When God goes looking for them, who do you think he wanted to talk to? Adam.

God went to Adam and said, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9). Why did God do this? Is Eve not being held responsible? No, Eve is held responsible and answers for what she did, but she had to answer to God after God went to Adam and made him answer for the entire family’s sins. 

This tells us that God holds men responsible. From the very beginning, God has created men to lead their families; Genesis tells us this. 

As we see in Ephesians 5, God still holds the man as responsible for his entire family. In Ephesians 5 we see that God calls men to be the “head of his wife,” for husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” to “sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” and to nourish and cherish their wives like they do so for themselves. 

Men, you are responsible. The idea that this time of your life is not that important, not that significant, or not that relevant to your future with your wife and children is an active choice to reject God’s call on your life. 

There is no excusable time of life to act irresponsibly, and there are no excuses for treating a women disrespectfully, abusively, or without dignity. There also are no excuses for taking a step back and being passive, uninterested, and inactive for your wife and children. 

Males who are abusive are not men. Males who are inactive in leading their families are not men. 

So, the question arises: What does a married man of God look like? What are the priorities of a man of God?

1. Christian

A man’s first priority is to have a covenant relationship with God. Jesus was sent to this earth to live a perfect life that you could not, he dies on the cross that you deserve, and is saving men who repent of their sin against Him and trust in His grace for salvation. Having a deep and personal relationship with God is of utmost importance.

Everything else will flow from this being the most important aspect of your life. Loving your wife, raising your children, working hard, and being involved in a local church will be seen as a joy, not a duty. It is our joy to love our wives. It is a joy to raise our kids to love Jesus. It is a joy to work hard for the glory of God.

2. Your Wife

God is calling men of God to be the head of the household (Ephesians 5:23). This means that you are to lovingly lead and guide your family towards Jesus and His will for your life. This is not a responsibility to abuse. This is responsibility to lead with humility, dependance on the Holy Spirit, and guidance of the local church community.

Another joy is that we are called to grow our spouse’s love for Jesus (Ephesians 5:25-30). We are to lead by example and loving lead her towards a deeper love for God. We are to be understanding and loving towards our wives in any and all circumstances (1 Peter 3:7).

Our calling as husbands is so crucial. Take a look around us. Are marriages reflecting the truth about who God is? I would say a large majority do not, and this stems from men not leading the way that God has called us to.

Make a commitment to your wife that you will love her, serve her, guide her, and pursue her in all circumstances. You both need God’s help to remain faithful to each other, so make a covenant before God that you will pursue her as you pursue Jesus.

3. Your Children

Pastor Mark Driscoll says that men should be “loving them, serving them, raising them, investing in them, and growing them. And let me say this. If you invert these, you will destroy your children and your marriage. For some people, their children are their god, meaning their highest priority.”

Men are called to raise their children in such a way that develops a genuine love for God and genuine love for others. Just as you are called to love God and love others, your children are likewise called to do the same.

4. Your Work

Your job is not your identity. If you love Jesus, your identity is an adopted son of God. Your identity is not shaped by what you do for God. Your identity is shaped by what Jesus has done for you.

Your job, career, or vocation is to be done to the glory of God by working hard to do your best. If you are a music producer, work hard to make good music. If you are a barn cleaner, work hard to have a clean barn. If you are a teaching pastor, work hard to proclaim Jesus in each sermon. If you are a student, work hard to earn good grades. If you are unemployed, work hard to find a job and keep the job to give glory to Jesus and what He has done for you on the cross.

Get a job. Keep the job. Work hard. Give glory to Jesus.

“The key to understanding masculinity is Jesus Christ. Jesus was tough with religious blockheads, false teachers, the proud, and bullies. Jesus was tender with women, children, and those who were suffering or humble. Additionally, Jesus took responsibility for Himself. He worked a job for the first thirty years of His life, swinging a hammer as a carpenter. He also took responsibility for us on the cross, where He substituted Himself and died in our place for our sins. My sins are my fault, not Jesus' fault, but Jesus has made them His responsibility. This is the essence of the gospel, the "good news." If you understand this, it will change how you view masculinity.” - Mark Driscoll (emphasis added)

God is calling all us to love Him, love our wives, love our children, and work hard to give glory to God for all that Jesus has done for us on the cross of Calvary. 

Men, do not take your responsibility lightly. Jesus took responsibility for his family and bride, the church. He died for his family’s sins. He rose again to free His family from slavery to sin. He is calling his family to repent and love Him deeply. Love Jesus and love your family.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales