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| Photo courtesy of Huffington Post |
This past weekend I posted a significant amount of pictures from the True/False Film Festival. There were a lot of pictures of tickets, the stars of the films, and random pictures with Ali and I or of our friends who attended the films with us.
What you might not know about this past weekend was that Ali and I argued consistently throughout the film festival. We argued about a bunch of different topics, but one sticks out in my mind and I thought I would share my reflections about it.
After seeing a film on Sunday afternoon we had a choice to go see a film in between the two we really wanted to see. So, immediately following the first film of the day we were getting up and trying to get out before the Question and Answer time began. As I got up, I looked over and saw that our friends were leaving pretty quickly, so I grabbed all of my stuff pretty quick so that I could catch up with them. Ali was standing in the aisle getting her stuff on as our friends were walking out of the room, and I quickly became impatient and intentionally insinuated that I wanted her to hurry up. Since she was not moving as fast as I wanted, I sat down and waited for her to get ready. When she was done getting ready, I got up and rudely pushed my way through the aisle and tried to catch up with them. Ali knew I was upset about her not getting ready fast enough and I insisted that it was because she was standing in front of people that wanted to see the Q&A. We ended up getting so mad at each other that we didn’t go to the second film. We went home and waited until the third film was going to start.
When I write this explanation of our argument, I realize that I was wrong in these areas:
Lack of Communication
I did not communicate my desire to meet up with our friends. I just assumed that she would hurry because I thought it was important, and instead of communicating my desires I just assumed that she would be okay with it without ever explaining myself.
Men, we expect that our wives understand exactly what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. We are not to be passive but we are also not to be aggressive in our communication. I know that I have struggled with expressing my desires because I doubt that anyone will see my perspective, so I don’t put my ideas out there.
Husbands, love your wife by communicating with her your desires and have a healthy conversation.
Impatience
Since I did not communicate what I wanted to do, I quickly became impatient that she was not moving as fast as I wanted her to be. Selfish. Impatience is a good and godly attribute, and I was in sin by being impatient with her.
Men, die to yourself. Instead of seeking to have it your way in your timing, slow down and seek what your wife desires. Die to yourself and stop being so dang impatient with her. “She takes too long. How long does it really take?” WHO CARES? Get over yourself!
Husbands, seek Jesus and seek to die to yourself in your impatient expectations. God is faithful and He has your wife in your life to make you more holy. Be thankful and slow down.
Distorted Truth
I didn’t even notice this in the moment, but instead of sharing why I was wanting to get out quickly I distorted the truth to bend it back to her fault. This is terrible. Instead of accepting that I was impatient and that I wanted to see our friends, I decided to tell her it was all because of her actions. I lied. I did not want the responsibility, so I put it on her. Gosh, I need God’s grace to make me more honest and more like Jesus.
Men, take responsibility. Your sin is your sin! Take responsibility for yourself and stop blaming other people for your sinfulness. Take responsibility, seek Jesus, ask for forgiveness and to be made more like Jesus.
Husbands, your family is your responsibility. God holds you accountable for your entire family, so step up and stop avoiding the blame. My wife was not at fault, I was. Even if she was at fault, I am still held accountable for bringing her back to a genuine repentant relationship with God.
Slow to Repent
This is the most troubling of all these issues. The reason is that a Christian is someone who sees their sin, acknowledges their need for Jesus, asks for forgiveness and seeks to become more like Jesus by the power of Holy Spirit. Being slow to repent shows a hard heartedness to sin, and that is frightening. I still need God’s grace to transform my heart to seek the interested of others before mine, and I need Him to make me more willing to repent first.
Men, repent to God for your sins. You are not perfect. You need to be perfect in the presence of God, so believe in Jesus’ life, death on the cross, and His resurrection from the grave and He will save you from your sins. He will give you His perfection so that God will see you as He sees Jesus: sinless, holy, blameless.
Husbands, repent first. Seek to win the battle to repent first. Lead your family by being a man of God who repents first, seeks reconciliation and redemption in all read of your life. I am still struggling with this, but I know that He will make more like Jesus if I seek Him with my whole heart.
God is good and gracious.
Jacob Luis Gonzales
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