Hip Hop Heart Cloggin’

Bouncing back and forth to the beat
as if gravity left and this is a moon bounce seat
bobbing my head with the lyrics of heroes
putting them as men without sin, zero

Not understanding that these are fallen men
not wanting open my eyes or my heart to turn
I hold these songs as cures for my top ten
not seeking the proper ointment for the burn

I’m putting more hot coals on top of the skin
hoping to feel the relief of burning it all away
There’s a lot of losing in this game, no chance to win
Listening to poison, expecting the pain to stay

The rhythm flowing through my body, no hobby, just robbin’
all of my desires of righteousness, no chance to look
at the real God because of my cycle of heart cloggin’
pushing the Truth down while lifting up the crook.

The hate of their speech is easy to relate with, so real
I can feel the anger rising inside of me, no love for you
You offer to love me for nothing of my own doing, no deal
You don’t know my heart inside of me, no love for you

The answer is to lash out, to fight back with my fists
to make them feel the pain that I feel deep down, no choice
but to keep pushing back until you truly get the gist
I scream of anger with no one to hear my cries, no voice

When will the answers that I hear in these songs be seen?
When will my reality line up with what I hear in their breath?
My eyes, heart, and mind have never had a linear theme
and that might because it only comes through His life and death.

If We Die, We Die

While I do not completely agree that giving Chicago good weather is a test, I believe that this Facebook status should reveal the need of the gospel of Jesus Christ to be known throughout each neighborhood in Chicago. I love my hometown, and Jesus needs to be preach boldly and lovingly in the areas of most need.

Ali and I are moving to a neighborhood that is more dangerous than any other in Columbia, the Douglass Park neighborhood, but some areas of Chicago give me a real perspective on violence, drug use, and the brokenness of each and every human being. We are no better than the people that committed crimes, and we all need the hope of the gospel in our lives.

We have all fallen short by sinning against God, and this violence in Chicago demonstrates the reality of our hearts: We need Jesus.

Let's sacrifice to go into the dangerous neighborhoods. People need to know of the life that Jesus lived for us, died the death in our place for our sins, and rose from the grave to defeat Satan, sin, and death.

The gospel sends us into the dangerous neighborhoods because we serve a Savior who went into dangerous neighborhoods, hung out with the rejects of His day, and died a horrific death all for us. We are to likewise go into the dangerous neighborhoods and share the hope only found in Jesus.

If we die, we die, but we die with a certain hope only found in the God that died for us! 

Chicago needs Jesus. Columbia needs Jesus. The world needs Jesus.

You need Jesus. I need Jesus. We all need Jesus.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

----

For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. (Romans 14:8 ESV)

One Argument, Four Convictions

Photo courtesy of Huffington Post

This past weekend I posted a significant amount of pictures from the True/False Film Festival. There were a lot of pictures of tickets, the stars of the films, and random pictures with Ali and I or of our friends who attended the films with us.

What you might not know about this past weekend was that Ali and I argued consistently throughout the film festival. We argued about a bunch of different topics, but one sticks out in my mind and I thought I would share my reflections about it.

After seeing a film on Sunday afternoon we had a choice to go see a film in between the two we really wanted to see. So, immediately following the first film of the day we were getting up and trying to get out before the Question and Answer time began. As I got up, I looked over and saw that our friends were leaving pretty quickly, so I grabbed all of my stuff pretty quick so that I could catch up with them. Ali was standing in the aisle getting her stuff on as our friends were walking out of the room, and I quickly became impatient and intentionally insinuated that I wanted her to hurry up. Since she was not moving as fast as I wanted, I sat down and waited for her to get ready. When she was done getting ready, I got up and rudely pushed my way through the aisle and tried to catch up with them. Ali knew I was upset about her not getting ready fast enough and I insisted that it was because she was standing in front of people that wanted to see the Q&A. We ended up getting so mad at each other that we didn’t go to the second film. We went home and waited until the third film was going to start.

When I write this explanation of our argument, I realize that I was wrong in these areas:

Lack of Communication

I did not communicate my desire to meet up with our friends. I just assumed that she would hurry because I thought it was important, and instead of communicating my desires I just assumed that she would be okay with it without ever explaining myself.

Men, we expect that our wives understand exactly what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. We are not to be passive but we are also not to be aggressive in our communication. I know that I have struggled with expressing my desires because I doubt that anyone will see my perspective, so I don’t put my ideas out there. 

Husbands, love your wife by communicating with her your desires and have a healthy conversation.

Impatience

Since I did not communicate what I wanted to do, I quickly became impatient that she was not moving as fast as I wanted her to be. Selfish. Impatience is a good and godly attribute, and I was in sin by being impatient with her.

Men, die to yourself. Instead of seeking to have it your way in your timing, slow down and seek what your wife desires. Die to yourself and stop being so dang impatient with her. “She takes too long. How long does it really take?” WHO CARES? Get over yourself!

Husbands, seek Jesus and seek to die to yourself in your impatient expectations. God is faithful and He has your wife in your life to make you more holy. Be thankful and slow down.

Distorted Truth

I didn’t even notice this in the moment, but instead of sharing why I was wanting to get out quickly I distorted the truth to bend it back to her fault. This is terrible. Instead of accepting that I was impatient and that I wanted to see our friends, I decided to tell her it was all because of her actions. I lied. I did not want the responsibility, so I put it on her. Gosh, I need God’s grace to make me more honest and more like Jesus.

Men, take responsibility. Your sin is your sin! Take responsibility for yourself and stop blaming other people for your sinfulness. Take responsibility, seek Jesus, ask for forgiveness and to be made more like Jesus.

Husbands, your family is your responsibility. God holds you accountable for your entire family, so step up and stop avoiding the blame. My wife was not at fault, I was. Even if she was at fault, I am still held accountable for bringing her back to a genuine repentant relationship with God.

Slow to Repent

This is the most troubling of all these issues. The reason is that a Christian is someone who sees their sin, acknowledges their need for Jesus, asks for forgiveness and seeks to become more like Jesus by the power of Holy Spirit. Being slow to repent shows a hard heartedness to sin, and that is frightening. I still need God’s grace to transform my heart to seek the interested of others before mine, and I need Him to make me more willing to repent first.

Men, repent to God for your sins. You are not perfect. You need to be perfect in the presence of God, so believe in Jesus’ life, death on the cross, and His resurrection from the grave and He will save you from your sins. He will give you His perfection so that God will see you as He sees Jesus: sinless, holy, blameless.

Husbands, repent first. Seek to win the battle to repent first. Lead your family by being a man of God who repents first, seeks reconciliation and redemption in all read of your life. I am still struggling with this, but I know that He will make more like Jesus if I seek Him with my whole heart.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

Jesus Saves, Not Us