One Argument, Four Convictions

Photo courtesy of Huffington Post

This past weekend I posted a significant amount of pictures from the True/False Film Festival. There were a lot of pictures of tickets, the stars of the films, and random pictures with Ali and I or of our friends who attended the films with us.

What you might not know about this past weekend was that Ali and I argued consistently throughout the film festival. We argued about a bunch of different topics, but one sticks out in my mind and I thought I would share my reflections about it.

After seeing a film on Sunday afternoon we had a choice to go see a film in between the two we really wanted to see. So, immediately following the first film of the day we were getting up and trying to get out before the Question and Answer time began. As I got up, I looked over and saw that our friends were leaving pretty quickly, so I grabbed all of my stuff pretty quick so that I could catch up with them. Ali was standing in the aisle getting her stuff on as our friends were walking out of the room, and I quickly became impatient and intentionally insinuated that I wanted her to hurry up. Since she was not moving as fast as I wanted, I sat down and waited for her to get ready. When she was done getting ready, I got up and rudely pushed my way through the aisle and tried to catch up with them. Ali knew I was upset about her not getting ready fast enough and I insisted that it was because she was standing in front of people that wanted to see the Q&A. We ended up getting so mad at each other that we didn’t go to the second film. We went home and waited until the third film was going to start.

When I write this explanation of our argument, I realize that I was wrong in these areas:

Lack of Communication

I did not communicate my desire to meet up with our friends. I just assumed that she would hurry because I thought it was important, and instead of communicating my desires I just assumed that she would be okay with it without ever explaining myself.

Men, we expect that our wives understand exactly what we want, when we want it, and how we want it. We are not to be passive but we are also not to be aggressive in our communication. I know that I have struggled with expressing my desires because I doubt that anyone will see my perspective, so I don’t put my ideas out there. 

Husbands, love your wife by communicating with her your desires and have a healthy conversation.

Impatience

Since I did not communicate what I wanted to do, I quickly became impatient that she was not moving as fast as I wanted her to be. Selfish. Impatience is a good and godly attribute, and I was in sin by being impatient with her.

Men, die to yourself. Instead of seeking to have it your way in your timing, slow down and seek what your wife desires. Die to yourself and stop being so dang impatient with her. “She takes too long. How long does it really take?” WHO CARES? Get over yourself!

Husbands, seek Jesus and seek to die to yourself in your impatient expectations. God is faithful and He has your wife in your life to make you more holy. Be thankful and slow down.

Distorted Truth

I didn’t even notice this in the moment, but instead of sharing why I was wanting to get out quickly I distorted the truth to bend it back to her fault. This is terrible. Instead of accepting that I was impatient and that I wanted to see our friends, I decided to tell her it was all because of her actions. I lied. I did not want the responsibility, so I put it on her. Gosh, I need God’s grace to make me more honest and more like Jesus.

Men, take responsibility. Your sin is your sin! Take responsibility for yourself and stop blaming other people for your sinfulness. Take responsibility, seek Jesus, ask for forgiveness and to be made more like Jesus.

Husbands, your family is your responsibility. God holds you accountable for your entire family, so step up and stop avoiding the blame. My wife was not at fault, I was. Even if she was at fault, I am still held accountable for bringing her back to a genuine repentant relationship with God.

Slow to Repent

This is the most troubling of all these issues. The reason is that a Christian is someone who sees their sin, acknowledges their need for Jesus, asks for forgiveness and seeks to become more like Jesus by the power of Holy Spirit. Being slow to repent shows a hard heartedness to sin, and that is frightening. I still need God’s grace to transform my heart to seek the interested of others before mine, and I need Him to make me more willing to repent first.

Men, repent to God for your sins. You are not perfect. You need to be perfect in the presence of God, so believe in Jesus’ life, death on the cross, and His resurrection from the grave and He will save you from your sins. He will give you His perfection so that God will see you as He sees Jesus: sinless, holy, blameless.

Husbands, repent first. Seek to win the battle to repent first. Lead your family by being a man of God who repents first, seeks reconciliation and redemption in all read of your life. I am still struggling with this, but I know that He will make more like Jesus if I seek Him with my whole heart.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

Men's Breakfast - Becoming Men on Mission

God is missional and he has commanded us to go to the ends of the earth to share the gospel of Jesus Christ. As men, we need to be on mission in community to boldly proclaim the good news of salvation. Love God. Love others. Proclaim bodly.

Men, if you want to join Karis Church at the Men's Breakfast let me know and I can get you signed up!

Jacob Luis Gonzales

#Marriage - Men and Marriage

Men, I am speaking directly to you.

Do you think that you are responsible? Let me rephrase the question: Do you know that you are responsible?

I’ve heard guys talk about how it’s okay to go out, get drunk, have sex, spend all their money, live at home, and avoid any long-term employment because this time of their life is excused of having responsibility. You might even believe that it is okay to irresponsible from time to time. 

“It doesn’t hurt anybody, right?” 

“Nobody cares. They’re all doing it too.”

“I love my girlfriend, so it’s totally okay that we have sex.”

“I don’t really want to get a job because it will limit all the fun I’m having.”

Those are some of the ways I have heard men excuse their behavior and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. 

Here is the point: Men, God holds you responsible for yourself, your wife, and your children.

In Genesis, we read that God tells Adam that he is not to eat the fruit of one particular tree. Then, after this happens, Eve is created. We all know what happened after this: they sinned.

After they sinned against God by directly rebelling against His commands, they try to hide from God. When God goes looking for them, who do you think he wanted to talk to? Adam.

God went to Adam and said, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9). Why did God do this? Is Eve not being held responsible? No, Eve is held responsible and answers for what she did, but she had to answer to God after God went to Adam and made him answer for the entire family’s sins. 

This tells us that God holds men responsible. From the very beginning, God has created men to lead their families; Genesis tells us this. 

As we see in Ephesians 5, God still holds the man as responsible for his entire family. In Ephesians 5 we see that God calls men to be the “head of his wife,” for husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” to “sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” and to nourish and cherish their wives like they do so for themselves. 

Men, you are responsible. The idea that this time of your life is not that important, not that significant, or not that relevant to your future with your wife and children is an active choice to reject God’s call on your life. 

There is no excusable time of life to act irresponsibly, and there are no excuses for treating a women disrespectfully, abusively, or without dignity. There also are no excuses for taking a step back and being passive, uninterested, and inactive for your wife and children. 

Males who are abusive are not men. Males who are inactive in leading their families are not men. 

So, the question arises: What does a married man of God look like? What are the priorities of a man of God?

1. Christian

A man’s first priority is to have a covenant relationship with God. Jesus was sent to this earth to live a perfect life that you could not, he dies on the cross that you deserve, and is saving men who repent of their sin against Him and trust in His grace for salvation. Having a deep and personal relationship with God is of utmost importance.

Everything else will flow from this being the most important aspect of your life. Loving your wife, raising your children, working hard, and being involved in a local church will be seen as a joy, not a duty. It is our joy to love our wives. It is a joy to raise our kids to love Jesus. It is a joy to work hard for the glory of God.

2. Your Wife

God is calling men of God to be the head of the household (Ephesians 5:23). This means that you are to lovingly lead and guide your family towards Jesus and His will for your life. This is not a responsibility to abuse. This is responsibility to lead with humility, dependance on the Holy Spirit, and guidance of the local church community.

Another joy is that we are called to grow our spouse’s love for Jesus (Ephesians 5:25-30). We are to lead by example and loving lead her towards a deeper love for God. We are to be understanding and loving towards our wives in any and all circumstances (1 Peter 3:7).

Our calling as husbands is so crucial. Take a look around us. Are marriages reflecting the truth about who God is? I would say a large majority do not, and this stems from men not leading the way that God has called us to.

Make a commitment to your wife that you will love her, serve her, guide her, and pursue her in all circumstances. You both need God’s help to remain faithful to each other, so make a covenant before God that you will pursue her as you pursue Jesus.

3. Your Children

Pastor Mark Driscoll says that men should be “loving them, serving them, raising them, investing in them, and growing them. And let me say this. If you invert these, you will destroy your children and your marriage. For some people, their children are their god, meaning their highest priority.”

Men are called to raise their children in such a way that develops a genuine love for God and genuine love for others. Just as you are called to love God and love others, your children are likewise called to do the same.

4. Your Work

Your job is not your identity. If you love Jesus, your identity is an adopted son of God. Your identity is not shaped by what you do for God. Your identity is shaped by what Jesus has done for you.

Your job, career, or vocation is to be done to the glory of God by working hard to do your best. If you are a music producer, work hard to make good music. If you are a barn cleaner, work hard to have a clean barn. If you are a teaching pastor, work hard to proclaim Jesus in each sermon. If you are a student, work hard to earn good grades. If you are unemployed, work hard to find a job and keep the job to give glory to Jesus and what He has done for you on the cross.

Get a job. Keep the job. Work hard. Give glory to Jesus.

“The key to understanding masculinity is Jesus Christ. Jesus was tough with religious blockheads, false teachers, the proud, and bullies. Jesus was tender with women, children, and those who were suffering or humble. Additionally, Jesus took responsibility for Himself. He worked a job for the first thirty years of His life, swinging a hammer as a carpenter. He also took responsibility for us on the cross, where He substituted Himself and died in our place for our sins. My sins are my fault, not Jesus' fault, but Jesus has made them His responsibility. This is the essence of the gospel, the "good news." If you understand this, it will change how you view masculinity.” - Mark Driscoll (emphasis added)

God is calling all us to love Him, love our wives, love our children, and work hard to give glory to God for all that Jesus has done for us on the cross of Calvary. 

Men, do not take your responsibility lightly. Jesus took responsibility for his family and bride, the church. He died for his family’s sins. He rose again to free His family from slavery to sin. He is calling his family to repent and love Him deeply. Love Jesus and love your family.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

#Marriage Preview - Men and Marriage

“The key to understanding masculinity is Jesus Christ. Jesus was tough with religious blockheads, false teachers, the proud, and bullies. Jesus was tender with women, children, and those who were suffering or humble. Additionally, Jesus took responsibility for Himself. He worked a job for the first thirty years of His life, swinging a hammer as a carpenter. He also took responsibility for us on the cross, where He substituted Himself and died in our place for our sins. My sins are my fault, not Jesus' fault, but Jesus has made them His responsibility. This is the essence of the gospel, the "good news." If you understand this, it will change how you view masculinity.” - Mark Driscoll

Men's Breakfast: Fight Clubs

I have been planning the Men's Breakfast series for a month or so, and here is the information for the first breakfast in August!

I am sharing this information so that you can see all of the amazing opportunities I have had so far while I am interning at Karis Church in Columbia, MO. I am privileged to have this responsibility, and I hope that this time will encourage people to know God deeply and know the other men at Karis!

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Men are fighting. The question is not if men are fighting. The questions are: Are they fighting for the right things? If not, why aren’t men fighting for the right things? And, how are men supposed to practically fight for gospel-centered discipleship?

This is the vision of the Men’s Breakfast. It comes from how Karis does Fight Clubs and the book “Gospel-Centered Discipleship.”

Fight Clubs are essential for a healthy church because it is the time that we expose sin, confess sin, repent of our sin, and fight sin. As men, we need to lead the church in confession and repentance, and this is the most healthy and helpful way to do just that.

God is faithful and He is calling men to lead and this is an absolute essential to creating healthy churches and healthy homes.

This is a challenge: Come. Learn. Confess. Repent. Forgive. Encourage. Lead. Fight.

Jacob Luis Gonzales