Pretty Little Lies

To set the scene for this post I would like to describe my Saturday night activities.

Ali and I sit across the room from one another as we do separate things. Three light are on in our living room, and one of them is the light from the laptop I am typing on. The glow of her iPhone gives me a vague outline of her face. The last light is coming from a our very small TV, and the show we are attempting to watch is a show based on lying to the ones closest to you. I dare not share the show’s name to remain above reproach to all people groups. 

With all that in mind, it has made me think about a topic that I believe we undervalue:

Honesty.

Honesty is an interesting thing, isn’t it? We would all say that we want to be told the truth. When we are lied to we feel betrayed. I can also make the general assumption that when we find out we have been lied to by our friends we are much more devastated than if we were to discover we were lied to by our barista. 

The closer the person is to us, the more a lie hurts us.

But, do you really want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? 

Well, do you?

This is the part that gets pretty honest. This is where I tell you that you have been deceived and you have actually enjoyed seeking out the lies. You have passionately sought out things that will tear away at your heart. You have mercilessly pursued something that offers the world and gives you death.

The reality of your life is that you have always wanted the lies but you reject the truth. The reality is that the truth is something you have fought with every once of your being. The thought of the lies makes your mouth water with anticipation. An issue with accepting this is that plenty of people will tell you lies as “truth” because they are also deceived. The ripple effect of the very first deception is still creating waves after waves of destruction, so the best way to find an answer is to look at the start of all the lies in the world.

The first lie in all of history was Satan telling Eve that if she ate a fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil she would not die. The first ever lie was about the result of her action, not the action itself. He said the result of her disobedience to God’s loving command was not what God had told her. Simply put, Satan called God a liar.

Think about that. The first lie was a created being calling God a liar. Satan deceived Adam and Eve. 

But, if this were the end of the story it would appear that we are victims and not a part of the problem. Take a closer look:

But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
(Genesis 3:4-7 ESV)

It said that they were lied to, but it says that Eve looked and thought it was “good,” “a delight,” and “to be desired.” They took the fruit because they thought disobeying God’s commands was good, a delight, and desirable. They wanted to disobey God. 

You are no different. You might think that looking at porn is a good thing. You might think that getting stoned, drunk, or cross-faded is a delight. You also might think that being the best, strongest, most rational, most put-together, most religious, and most responsible person you know is the most desirable thing on the planet. 

Reality check: All of those things are LIES.

To those who believe the lies and disobey God: you are not able to believe God because you actively reject God’s reign. This inability is due to sin’s effect in your heart. Sin promises satisfaction but leaves you wanting more. Your habit, addiction, or passion might feel good, but if this feeling is leading you to death would you want someone to tell you?

All this being said, this may be you. You might believe the lie that you will not die from your sin, but know this: Death only entered the world because of sin, and since we are all sinners you should know that your sin does lead to death.

There’s only two options: believe the lie or believe the Truth.

Jesus is the one man to have ever believed God’s words, spoke the truth in love at all times, resisted Satan’s temptation to doubt God, and perfectly obeyed God’s will for His life. He obeyed perfectly to save you. He believed God was worthy to be trusted in all things, at all times, and in all circumstances. 

God isn’t asking for your perfect faith, but God is calling you to place your life and your small faith in Jesus Christ. He is worthy. He is faithful. He is God.

We can either believe the lie that we can save ourselves or we can believe that the only Way to be saved is found in the perfect Lamb of God — His perfect life, His sacrificial death on the cross, and His triumphant resurrection from the grave.

Don’t believe the lie; even if the lie is a pretty little lie.

Romans 5:1-11

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
(Romans 5:1-11, ESV)

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

#Marriage - Fighting and Forgiveness

When I first decided to write a series on marriage I knew that this topic would be one of the most requested. I knew that fighting and forgiveness was a topic that needed to be addressed, and I knew that many marriages end today because someone - most of the time its both people -  could not forgive and release bitterness towards the other. Understanding that this post will not be all-inclusive, I hope to give some biblical perspective on a sensitive topic.

So, let’s just start.

Fighting Is Normal

Ali and I fight. I know, big shock. We fight about a range of different topics. We have had disputes about changing the toilet paper, where the remote is located, if it is okay to burp in the other’s face, and if we should put up the Christmas tree in November. Also, we have fights about more serious topics such as how to discipline our future children, if one of us feels disrespected by the other, how to handle family disagreements, and what city we should pursue long-term for church planting. The arguments, disagreements, or disputes sometimes end quickly. Sometimes these issues take much longer to work through.

I know that we are not the only couple to fight on, what seems like, a daily basis. I know this because two sinners being in the same place for a long enough period of time will end or include some type of fight. No matter how much you love and commit yourself to the other person, you will have some fights.

Fighting in the context of marriage is a very different matter than any other relationship. A married couple that fights should look differently because the relationship is one of covenant. “A covenant is a promise by which we obligate ourselves to one another in such a way that the obligation of one party is not dependent on the faithfulness of the other” (Mars Hill Church). So, as a husband I should be faithful in loving, providing, and serving my wife in such a way that does rely on her prior action of faithfulness. We are to fight differently because our love and commitment is not based on what we get from the other person.

Forgiveness and Bitterness

Are we going to forgive or become bitter? There’s two options and we have to pick one. What does forgiveness and bitterness look like?

Forgiveness is all about loving despite the other person’s sin. There is no distinction between any person, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23, ESV). Since we all have sinned against God and at times against other people, we all deserve nothing more than separation from God. But God, being rich in mercy and steadfast love gave His Son to pay the penalty that we deserve. Jesus died a brutal death on the cross after living a sinless life so that we could be forgiven and made right before God the Father. Jesus became sin on the cross for us. He became our lies, our lust, our hatred, our bitterness, and our idolatry on the cross so that we would not have to spend eternity away from Him. If we have placed our faith in Christ, then we are forgiven. How can we not forgive our spouses for their sin if God has forgiven us? “Forgiveness is an ongoing lifestyle that is incredibly costly to us and lived our of love for God and others” (Real Marriage, p 94).

Bitterness is just the opposite of forgiveness. Forgiveness offers mercy and bitterness offers cruelty. Forgiveness offers grace and bitterness offers disgrace.

You might be thinking, “Jake, I am not bitter. I simply want them to as me for forgiveness or simply be sorry for what they did!” Or you might be thinking, “I don’t think I am bitter…” 

Well, here’s a quick test: Think of a person that has wronged you recently in some way. Now, think of how you speak about them. Do you speak highly of this person? Do you pray for them? Do you hope for their faith in Jesus to grow? If there is no on one those three questions, you should probably have a talk with them. Of course this list is not exhaustive, but this list could help you start thinking about how to seek forgiveness.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of people might have justified reasons why they become bitter: they were sinned against! That might be true, but bitterness is an active choice to seek the exact opposite for what God wants for us. God has reconciled His children together so that they might be reconciled to Himself and to each other. The Christian Church should be a distinct people that is eager to seek forgiveness and reconciliation. At times, this is going to hurt. At times, this is going to suck. But, seeking reconciliation is ultimately what God did for us while we were actively rejecting Him.

One last note: If you and your spouse are fully committed to loving and serving one another no matter what the other has done, is doing, or will do to you, this should thrust you to forgiving each other as Christ has forgiven both of you.

A Healthy Fight

There are two aspects to a healthy fight: wording and a good fight process.

Wording

Our wording needs to be encouraging. We are to avoid being overly critical and contemptuous. Our words should build up the other person while still communicating our main point.

Our wording needs to be respectful. Disrespect is very easy to communicate in tone and attitude, so focus on respecting the other person’s needs and perspective.

Our wording needs to be open. Spouses should be honest and vulnerable with one another. Share your genuine opinion.

Our wording needs to be engaging. Avoid wording that is closed ended with conversation not being optional. Allow the person to respond in a respectful and loving way.

A Good Fight Process

Discern - We should discern if the other person has sinned against us. If so, keep going down the process. If not, this might not be something to fight about, but if the issue is reoccurring address it right away to stray away from bitterness.

Method - A husband knows his wife better than anybody, so when going about a method of delivering your concern decide which is best for your spouse. If the person is normally defensive, find a graceful and gracious approach to start the conversation. Knowing your spouses tendency can help you find a helpful and loving approach.

Pray - Pray for grace and strength to remain loving and honest with your spouse. Pray that the Holy Spirit is present and active in both of your hearts. Pray for humbleness and forgiveness from you and your spouse.

Forgive - Be quick to forgive the person if they ask for forgiveness. Do not let them off the hook but also do not push them into a corner to ask for forgiveness. Allow the Holy Spirit to convict their heart and if they seem to have genuinely repented for their sin and ask you to forgive them, do so with a loving and sacrificial heart.

Seek Help (If Needed) - If a lack of forgiveness is an unfortunate result of conversation, then seek outside help. Seek someone that will point you back to the truth of the gospel as our standard of forgiveness and need of reconciliation. That might be a pastor, but that also might mean it is a trusted Christian couple. Seek help. Do not give up. Fight for your marriage.

Read This: If any verbal, emotional, or physical abuse is happening in your marriage seek help immediately. Be bold and be courageous. God is good and He loves you deeply. Jesus died for you and I love you. Please make contact and do not let it go unheard. God sees you struggling and He loves you so much.

—

I pray that this was helpful. I pray that God used this to show you how much we all need His grace and forgiveness. We all fall short, but do not let that get you down. Jesus died for you and He is searching after all of us to love Him. 

Seek forgiveness and reconciliation. Fight against bitterness and pride. Seek God. Fight sin. 

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales and Ali Nichole Gonzales

What Is The Proper Response To Grace?

This article is a great explanation of how we are to respond to God's grace. When someone says that God is gracious (most likely you see me write that) or that God gives grace, what in the world are you supposed to do with that information? How we are to respond? 

One thing that I try to do with my website is connect people with solid and biblical views on the world around us. This article comes from Ligonier.

What Is The Proper Response To Grace?
By Derek Thomas 

There can be only one proper response to grace: a life of grateful holiness. Christ’s atoning death was “in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Rom. 8:4). 

There are two ways of understanding these words. One way is to view them as a statement of what our Lord achieved on the cross: He fulfilled what the law required by offering up a perfect obedience (the active obedience of Christ) and by meeting the law’s retribution for our sin by His death (the passive obedience of Christ). He fulfilled the righteous requirements of the law for us in His life and death. 

More likely, however, Paul is stating (what he will elaborate on later in this chapter) that Christians, whose sins are forgiven, now live in holy, obedient gratitude for the grace they have received. Grateful law-keeping is the saved sinner’s response to received grace. The rest of our lives are a way of saying, “Thank you.” 

Of course, salvation by grace rather than our performance can be seen as a license to sin (antinomianism). Paul’s response in Romans is something like this: if we are not tempted to think like that, we have not understood the gospel. The apostle anticipates our objection at the beginning of chapter 6: “Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound?” (Rom. 6:1). 

Grace must raise the temptation to think we can sin as we please; if it does not, we have not understood the true extent of grace. However, at no time can we yield to the temptation to think this way (note Paul’s answer to his question in 6:1—“by no means”), because Christians are called to a life of holiness—holiness motivated by gratitude for all that God has done for them in the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

The key to subduing the downward drag of sin in our lives is to know the impulse of gratitude that follows the experience of forgiveness and reconciliation. Law-keeping out of love is the true path of holiness. 

Excerpt from How the Gospel Brings Us All the Way Home by Derek Thomas.

God's grace enables us to live godly lives that honor Him and proclaim Him to the people around us.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales