845 Days of Marriage

If you don't know my wife, you are missing out. Over the course of our relationship I have realized how much God is working on her heart, her love for Jesus, and her love for me. God has shaped her heart to be compassionate for the "least of these," and I am honored that God would entrust me to love, serve, and cherish His daughter.

Our marriage is not always easy, but our marriage is making me a better man of God. Our marriage is messy, but God is making two sinners more and more like His perfect and sinless Son, Jesus.

We've been married for 845 days (2 years, 3 months, and 23 days). I am excited about the next 845 days of marriage to my best friend in the entire world!

Love you babe.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

Friendship in Marriage - Reposted Blog

If you could change one thing about the first ten years of your marriage, what would it be?

–Nico

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“This is my beloved and this is my friend.” –A wise wife in Song of Songs 5:16

March 12, 1988, was one of the most important days of my life, right after the day of my birth and the day of my new birth as a Christian. It was on that day that I had my first date with Grace. We were both 17 and could not have fathomed where we are today, with five kids and a ministry trying to help others with honest, practical, biblical teaching. My relationship with Grace involves numerous roles, but one that we both cherish is our friendship.

Our relationship started as a friendship, but somewhere along the way got stuck. We talk about some of this in honest detail in Real Marriage, but the big idea is that we did not pull the weeds in our friendship, and pretty soon it began to wither. In more recent years, by God’s grace, we have been hard at work to pull those weeds, and our friendship has flourished as a result. We dedicate an entire chapter in Real Marriage to friendship, and it’s the favorite chapter for us both.

Reflecting on friendship in marriage more recently, I can think of seven reasons why friendship is essential to a healthy and happy marriage.

1. FRIENDSHIP MAKES A MARRIAGE MORE RESILIENT

Many relationships come and go. When we are in school, for example, some relationships feel incredibly close and important, but then we graduate and never again speak with the people who filled up our yearbook with declarations of lifelong friendship.

When we are in the workplace, we can spend so many hours together with coworkers that it seems like they are near and dear friends. But once we get another job, we never return to our old place of employment and quickly lose touch with nearly everyone we used to eat lunch with on a regular basis.

There are seven reasons why friendship is essential to a healthy and happy marriage.

If we look back on our lives, the relationships that are most likely to endure transition through such things as life stages, employment, and geography are friendships. When we have true friendships, we endure a lot more to keep those relationships, and as a result they are more resilient.

Subsequently, when a husband and wife have a genuine friendship that they have invested in and are committed to, their marriage will be more resilient. It will endure the ups and downs, trials and temptations, and celebrations and frustrations that life brings, because that what friends do: they hang in there.

2. FRIENDSHIP MAKES A MARRIAGE MORE NATURAL

When someone is your friend, they do not have to push themselves into your life or pull you into theirs. With friends, the door to your life is just open. Friends call, drop by, check in, and ask favors pretty much whenever they need to. When you are going to do something fun, you reach for your friend. When you’ve had a rough day, you reach for your friend. When you are facing a big decision, you reach for your friend. When something wonderful happens and you have to share it, you reach for your friend.

When we have true friendships, we endure a lot more to keep those relationships, and as a result they are more resilient.

When a husband and wife are friends, life together is simply more natural. They just communicate more, hang out more, share more, and do more together. This is not because they have to, but because they want to. This is not because it is a duty, but because it is a delight.

3. FRIENDSHIP MAKES A MARRIAGE MORE FORGIVING

Like a precious jewel, a genuine friend is hard to find and devastating to lose. A friend is so valuable that you are more likely to repent of your sin against them, and forgive their sin against you, because the friendship is so treasured that it is worth the occasional withdrawal.

Friendship is one of the great antidotes to the three-headed marriage monster—bitterness, unforgiveness, and unrepentance. Friends figure it out. Friends clean it up. Friends get over it. Friends move on…together.

4. FRIENDSHIP MAKES A MARRIAGE MORE SACRIFICIAL

We do things for our friends that we’d never do for anyone else. If a friend calls you at 2 a.m. because their car broke down, you will likely go get them. But if your boss calls you, it’s likely you’ll just let it go to voicemail. Friends go out of their way to do sacrificial things for one another without expecting to be repaid in some way. I can honestly say that Grace is the most sacrificial and servant-hearted friend I’ve ever had.

A genuine friend is hard to find and devastating to lose.

5. FRIENDSHIP MAKES A MARRIAGE MORE CHRISTIAN

The God of the Bible is Trinitarian: one God in three Persons—Father, Son, and Spirit. To have a Christian marriage includes reading the Bible together, praying together, worshiping as part of a church family together, serving God together, and so on. But a Christian marriage has to be between friends to truly be Christian.

Since our God is a community of three loving, united Friends who communicate with and care for one another, there is no such thing as a truly Christian marriage without friendship. After all, marriage is in large part supposed to be a reflection of the nature and character of our glorious God (Eph. 5).

Friends go out of their way to do sacrificial things for one another without expecting to be repaid in some way.

6. FRIENDSHIP MAKES A MARRIAGE MORE FUN

Grace says this one with a smile. A husband and wife should spend a lot of time together, and if they are friends that means they can find ways to have a lot of fun even when they’re doing something ordinary, like shopping for groceries while laughing along the way.

Grace says having fun makes the relationship “safer,” because it allows you to relax, not be on edge, and not fear doing or saying something wrong. As a result, you can just have more fun.

Religious people who read this will start to quibble over the difference between joy and fun, because religious people are not very fun. Joy is something you can have all the time in spite of circumstances. Fun is something you can have some of the time because of circumstances. We are fans of both. Go for joy all the time, and take time for fun any time.

7. FRIENDSHIP MAKES A MARRIAGE MORE SAFEGUARDED

My pastoral ministry now extends 18 years since the core group phase at Mars Hill Church. One tragic thing I have seen over and over in churches across the nation and the world is that when a husband and wife are not growing in a godly friendship, they are more susceptible to a dangerous slippery slope. It starts with an encouraging friendship with someone of the opposite sex, and it grows to become adultery of the heart and eventually adultery of the hands.

When a husband and wife are friends, life together is simply more natural.

This can be a “work spouse” who fills the role of an emotionally supportive partner on the job. Perhaps it could be someone who starts counseling you on your marriage, and/or someone you just enjoy hanging out with, and eventually find yourself preferring their company over the company of your spouse.

A godly, genuine, and growing friendship with your spouse helps to safeguard against emotional and/or physical adultery.

HOW IS YOUR BEST FRIENDSHIP?

The importance of friendship in marriage relates in some way to everyone, whether married or not:

• Single person who is dating: Are you building a genuine, godly friendship, or are you allowing something like sex get in the way of establishing a firm foundation in your relationship?
• Engaged couple: Are you truly committed to always seeking to be better friends to one another, and helping one another to do this in encouraging and not criticizing ways?
• Married couples: Is your friendship growing, or have you allowed bitterness, distractions, duties, chores, tasks, kids, work, responsibilities, and/or extended family to contribute weeds that have led to the withering of your friendship?

Grace and I had a friendship while dating, but we neglected our friendship until some years in our marriage. Our friendship in marriage was not what it could have been or should have been. Between working long hours, starting a church, having children, and the busyness of life, our friendship was not the priority it should have been.

Go for joy all the time, and take time for fun any time.

By God’s grace and some attentive care, I am glad to report things are different now. Grace’s nickname for me is “friend,” so when I get home I hear her say with a laugh, “Hi, friend!” Our kids have noticed this. For example, on a recent trip I was loading up the car and one of our daughters asked, “Where will the suitcase of your best friend go?” Of course, she was talking about her mom.

I’m glad our kids see that we are friends, and I pray they grow up to marry someone who is their friend. Grace and I want the same for you!

Originally posted on The Resurgence.
http://theresurgence.com/2014/02/05/the-1-thing-we-d-have-changed-in-our-marriage

What Do We Really Want in Marriage?

#Marriage Booklet - Coming Soon!

So far the #Marriage series has been the most read posts on this website, so I thought that I might make it available again around the holidays as a booklet for people to read on their iPads, iPhones, Macs, and also as a PDF.

On Christmas I will be posting the final product right here for anyone to download!

It is small gift for all that you have done for me so far in the internship. I sincerely hope that you enjoy the final product!

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

#Marriage - Fighting and Forgiveness

When I first decided to write a series on marriage I knew that this topic would be one of the most requested. I knew that fighting and forgiveness was a topic that needed to be addressed, and I knew that many marriages end today because someone - most of the time its both people -  could not forgive and release bitterness towards the other. Understanding that this post will not be all-inclusive, I hope to give some biblical perspective on a sensitive topic.

So, let’s just start.

Fighting Is Normal

Ali and I fight. I know, big shock. We fight about a range of different topics. We have had disputes about changing the toilet paper, where the remote is located, if it is okay to burp in the other’s face, and if we should put up the Christmas tree in November. Also, we have fights about more serious topics such as how to discipline our future children, if one of us feels disrespected by the other, how to handle family disagreements, and what city we should pursue long-term for church planting. The arguments, disagreements, or disputes sometimes end quickly. Sometimes these issues take much longer to work through.

I know that we are not the only couple to fight on, what seems like, a daily basis. I know this because two sinners being in the same place for a long enough period of time will end or include some type of fight. No matter how much you love and commit yourself to the other person, you will have some fights.

Fighting in the context of marriage is a very different matter than any other relationship. A married couple that fights should look differently because the relationship is one of covenant. “A covenant is a promise by which we obligate ourselves to one another in such a way that the obligation of one party is not dependent on the faithfulness of the other” (Mars Hill Church). So, as a husband I should be faithful in loving, providing, and serving my wife in such a way that does rely on her prior action of faithfulness. We are to fight differently because our love and commitment is not based on what we get from the other person.

Forgiveness and Bitterness

Are we going to forgive or become bitter? There’s two options and we have to pick one. What does forgiveness and bitterness look like?

Forgiveness is all about loving despite the other person’s sin. There is no distinction between any person, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23, ESV). Since we all have sinned against God and at times against other people, we all deserve nothing more than separation from God. But God, being rich in mercy and steadfast love gave His Son to pay the penalty that we deserve. Jesus died a brutal death on the cross after living a sinless life so that we could be forgiven and made right before God the Father. Jesus became sin on the cross for us. He became our lies, our lust, our hatred, our bitterness, and our idolatry on the cross so that we would not have to spend eternity away from Him. If we have placed our faith in Christ, then we are forgiven. How can we not forgive our spouses for their sin if God has forgiven us? “Forgiveness is an ongoing lifestyle that is incredibly costly to us and lived our of love for God and others” (Real Marriage, p 94).

Bitterness is just the opposite of forgiveness. Forgiveness offers mercy and bitterness offers cruelty. Forgiveness offers grace and bitterness offers disgrace.

You might be thinking, “Jake, I am not bitter. I simply want them to as me for forgiveness or simply be sorry for what they did!” Or you might be thinking, “I don’t think I am bitter…” 

Well, here’s a quick test: Think of a person that has wronged you recently in some way. Now, think of how you speak about them. Do you speak highly of this person? Do you pray for them? Do you hope for their faith in Jesus to grow? If there is no on one those three questions, you should probably have a talk with them. Of course this list is not exhaustive, but this list could help you start thinking about how to seek forgiveness.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of people might have justified reasons why they become bitter: they were sinned against! That might be true, but bitterness is an active choice to seek the exact opposite for what God wants for us. God has reconciled His children together so that they might be reconciled to Himself and to each other. The Christian Church should be a distinct people that is eager to seek forgiveness and reconciliation. At times, this is going to hurt. At times, this is going to suck. But, seeking reconciliation is ultimately what God did for us while we were actively rejecting Him.

One last note: If you and your spouse are fully committed to loving and serving one another no matter what the other has done, is doing, or will do to you, this should thrust you to forgiving each other as Christ has forgiven both of you.

A Healthy Fight

There are two aspects to a healthy fight: wording and a good fight process.

Wording

Our wording needs to be encouraging. We are to avoid being overly critical and contemptuous. Our words should build up the other person while still communicating our main point.

Our wording needs to be respectful. Disrespect is very easy to communicate in tone and attitude, so focus on respecting the other person’s needs and perspective.

Our wording needs to be open. Spouses should be honest and vulnerable with one another. Share your genuine opinion.

Our wording needs to be engaging. Avoid wording that is closed ended with conversation not being optional. Allow the person to respond in a respectful and loving way.

A Good Fight Process

Discern - We should discern if the other person has sinned against us. If so, keep going down the process. If not, this might not be something to fight about, but if the issue is reoccurring address it right away to stray away from bitterness.

Method - A husband knows his wife better than anybody, so when going about a method of delivering your concern decide which is best for your spouse. If the person is normally defensive, find a graceful and gracious approach to start the conversation. Knowing your spouses tendency can help you find a helpful and loving approach.

Pray - Pray for grace and strength to remain loving and honest with your spouse. Pray that the Holy Spirit is present and active in both of your hearts. Pray for humbleness and forgiveness from you and your spouse.

Forgive - Be quick to forgive the person if they ask for forgiveness. Do not let them off the hook but also do not push them into a corner to ask for forgiveness. Allow the Holy Spirit to convict their heart and if they seem to have genuinely repented for their sin and ask you to forgive them, do so with a loving and sacrificial heart.

Seek Help (If Needed) - If a lack of forgiveness is an unfortunate result of conversation, then seek outside help. Seek someone that will point you back to the truth of the gospel as our standard of forgiveness and need of reconciliation. That might be a pastor, but that also might mean it is a trusted Christian couple. Seek help. Do not give up. Fight for your marriage.

Read This: If any verbal, emotional, or physical abuse is happening in your marriage seek help immediately. Be bold and be courageous. God is good and He loves you deeply. Jesus died for you and I love you. Please make contact and do not let it go unheard. God sees you struggling and He loves you so much.

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I pray that this was helpful. I pray that God used this to show you how much we all need His grace and forgiveness. We all fall short, but do not let that get you down. Jesus died for you and He is searching after all of us to love Him. 

Seek forgiveness and reconciliation. Fight against bitterness and pride. Seek God. Fight sin. 

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales and Ali Nichole Gonzales

#CrucialQuestions - Begins January 6, 2014

This upcoming Monday will feature that final installment of the #Marriage series. After this series has concluded, I have decided to take a couple of months off from writing longer posts, but there will still be shorter updates on here.

I have decided that starting on January 6, 2014 I will be posting a new series that focuses on R.C. Sproul's new Crucial Questions series.




Here is the schedule:

January 6 - Who is Jesus?
January 13 - Can I Trust The Bible?
January 20 - What Is The Church?
January 27 -  Does God Control Everything?

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

#Marriage - Women and Marriage

It has taken me nearly two weeks to write this post, half out of procrastination and half out of pure fear. The modern world’s view on women within the context of Christian marriage, as we all know isn’t the greatest. Many times people outside and even sometimes inside the Church will take ideas on what is a woman’s role in marriage and pull what the Bible says out of context, twist it, distort it and even sometimes completely demonize it.

That all being said I am not here to debunk every myth presented about Christian women by culture and lies. I simply am here to communicate a little on practically what it looks like to follow Christ as a married woman. 

Whenever the idea of a woman’s role is presented at church, small group, Bible study or even amongst fellow female believers Ephesians 5 is usually brought up.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22-25, 32).

SUBMIT. As modern women, living in a free world we look at that word and immediately stop there. That word. That little word makes us want to be defiant; it makes us want to not believe that Paul was speaking the true words of our God and purely just speaking out of his own cultural accord. I’m here to stay its okay to read on, we have to. Like most other things in the Bible we must understand the whole redemptive story to understand God’s beautiful and majestic plan.

We are called to submission as this passage states; this passage says to submit to our husbands as the church submits to Christ. That is some beautiful imagery. We as women represent the church, God’s true bride. As the church submits to the leadership of Christ we too are supposed to submit to our husbands as they represent Christ in this metaphor. We are the beautiful and chosen beloved of not only our husbands but also the Creator of the universe. The institution of marriage should make us overjoyed in that fact.

So, practically what does submission look like? Submission within the context of a Christian marriage should be something done out of respect, trust and reverence for our husbands. Just as we trust that God has a plan for our lives we should trust that God has a plan for our husbands as he humbly leads the family. Submission a lot of the time is trusting that your husband is following Christ and that Christ is orchestrating something fantastic for you and your family through him (your husband). When we are submitting to our husbands we love them in the best way we can. We need to trust that they love us enough to consider us and put our needs as a family above their own.

Does this mean that we lack responsibility for decisions, our spiritual well-being and the state of our family? Absolutely not. While the husband carries a majority of the responsibility for the family, we were created for a specific purpose and a specific role that we are responsible to fulfill with the help of Christ.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 

In Genesis 2: 18 we see that it was not good for men to be alone and while we can offer a lot of practical, comical reasons why this is true for our husbands, we need to recognize that we as women were needed for God’s divine plan. It was not good for men to be alone; women were created in order to fix this problem, the first problem. Wives: masterfully and uniquely created to help, to serve, to be served and to be a part of God’s wonderful design for creation.

We are the helpers discussed in this passage, and in that we need to know in our fallen states we are not very helpful most of the time. We do not act as God designed us to: we are not always the fantastic helpers to our husbands as we should be. We demean our husbands, we disrespect them, we make jokes about them to our friends, we tear them down, and we don’t trust them. I am so guilty of all these things. I am not the helper I want to be and that I have been designed to be.

However, with the help of Christ, his redeeming power on the cross and his gift of the Holy Spirit we, as wives, can grow to be wondrous helpers. We can help our husbands so that together we can glorify God more. We can help our husbands by encouraging them, and in marriage we can have more effective and healthy teams. Teams that work together follow Christ, glorify his name, and feel a joy unmatched by any worldly pleasure.

So women, what is your role in marriage? Your role is to follow Christ, hold fast to the Bible, and trust that your husband does the same. Marriage is a beautiful thing; it is the Bible’s primary imagery for describing how Christ loves and serves us. It is a fantastic thing, we should not grumble about the role we feel like we have been burdened within marriage. We should rejoice that God designed a role perfectly for us, and as hard as it may be to be in that role at times, Christ is there, alongside us and making us all into something truly amazing.

God is good and gracious.

Ali Nichole Gonzales

#Marriage - Women and Marriage Preview

"Does this mean that we lack responsibility for decisions, our spiritual well-being and the state of our family? Absolutely not. While the husband carries a majority of the responsibility for the family, we were created for a specific purpose and a specific role that we are responsible to fulfill with the help of Christ." - Ali Nichole Gonzales

#Marriage - Men and Marriage

Men, I am speaking directly to you.

Do you think that you are responsible? Let me rephrase the question: Do you know that you are responsible?

I’ve heard guys talk about how it’s okay to go out, get drunk, have sex, spend all their money, live at home, and avoid any long-term employment because this time of their life is excused of having responsibility. You might even believe that it is okay to irresponsible from time to time. 

“It doesn’t hurt anybody, right?” 

“Nobody cares. They’re all doing it too.”

“I love my girlfriend, so it’s totally okay that we have sex.”

“I don’t really want to get a job because it will limit all the fun I’m having.”

Those are some of the ways I have heard men excuse their behavior and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. 

Here is the point: Men, God holds you responsible for yourself, your wife, and your children.

In Genesis, we read that God tells Adam that he is not to eat the fruit of one particular tree. Then, after this happens, Eve is created. We all know what happened after this: they sinned.

After they sinned against God by directly rebelling against His commands, they try to hide from God. When God goes looking for them, who do you think he wanted to talk to? Adam.

God went to Adam and said, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9). Why did God do this? Is Eve not being held responsible? No, Eve is held responsible and answers for what she did, but she had to answer to God after God went to Adam and made him answer for the entire family’s sins. 

This tells us that God holds men responsible. From the very beginning, God has created men to lead their families; Genesis tells us this. 

As we see in Ephesians 5, God still holds the man as responsible for his entire family. In Ephesians 5 we see that God calls men to be the “head of his wife,” for husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” to “sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” and to nourish and cherish their wives like they do so for themselves. 

Men, you are responsible. The idea that this time of your life is not that important, not that significant, or not that relevant to your future with your wife and children is an active choice to reject God’s call on your life. 

There is no excusable time of life to act irresponsibly, and there are no excuses for treating a women disrespectfully, abusively, or without dignity. There also are no excuses for taking a step back and being passive, uninterested, and inactive for your wife and children. 

Males who are abusive are not men. Males who are inactive in leading their families are not men. 

So, the question arises: What does a married man of God look like? What are the priorities of a man of God?

1. Christian

A man’s first priority is to have a covenant relationship with God. Jesus was sent to this earth to live a perfect life that you could not, he dies on the cross that you deserve, and is saving men who repent of their sin against Him and trust in His grace for salvation. Having a deep and personal relationship with God is of utmost importance.

Everything else will flow from this being the most important aspect of your life. Loving your wife, raising your children, working hard, and being involved in a local church will be seen as a joy, not a duty. It is our joy to love our wives. It is a joy to raise our kids to love Jesus. It is a joy to work hard for the glory of God.

2. Your Wife

God is calling men of God to be the head of the household (Ephesians 5:23). This means that you are to lovingly lead and guide your family towards Jesus and His will for your life. This is not a responsibility to abuse. This is responsibility to lead with humility, dependance on the Holy Spirit, and guidance of the local church community.

Another joy is that we are called to grow our spouse’s love for Jesus (Ephesians 5:25-30). We are to lead by example and loving lead her towards a deeper love for God. We are to be understanding and loving towards our wives in any and all circumstances (1 Peter 3:7).

Our calling as husbands is so crucial. Take a look around us. Are marriages reflecting the truth about who God is? I would say a large majority do not, and this stems from men not leading the way that God has called us to.

Make a commitment to your wife that you will love her, serve her, guide her, and pursue her in all circumstances. You both need God’s help to remain faithful to each other, so make a covenant before God that you will pursue her as you pursue Jesus.

3. Your Children

Pastor Mark Driscoll says that men should be “loving them, serving them, raising them, investing in them, and growing them. And let me say this. If you invert these, you will destroy your children and your marriage. For some people, their children are their god, meaning their highest priority.”

Men are called to raise their children in such a way that develops a genuine love for God and genuine love for others. Just as you are called to love God and love others, your children are likewise called to do the same.

4. Your Work

Your job is not your identity. If you love Jesus, your identity is an adopted son of God. Your identity is not shaped by what you do for God. Your identity is shaped by what Jesus has done for you.

Your job, career, or vocation is to be done to the glory of God by working hard to do your best. If you are a music producer, work hard to make good music. If you are a barn cleaner, work hard to have a clean barn. If you are a teaching pastor, work hard to proclaim Jesus in each sermon. If you are a student, work hard to earn good grades. If you are unemployed, work hard to find a job and keep the job to give glory to Jesus and what He has done for you on the cross.

Get a job. Keep the job. Work hard. Give glory to Jesus.

“The key to understanding masculinity is Jesus Christ. Jesus was tough with religious blockheads, false teachers, the proud, and bullies. Jesus was tender with women, children, and those who were suffering or humble. Additionally, Jesus took responsibility for Himself. He worked a job for the first thirty years of His life, swinging a hammer as a carpenter. He also took responsibility for us on the cross, where He substituted Himself and died in our place for our sins. My sins are my fault, not Jesus' fault, but Jesus has made them His responsibility. This is the essence of the gospel, the "good news." If you understand this, it will change how you view masculinity.” - Mark Driscoll (emphasis added)

God is calling all us to love Him, love our wives, love our children, and work hard to give glory to God for all that Jesus has done for us on the cross of Calvary. 

Men, do not take your responsibility lightly. Jesus took responsibility for his family and bride, the church. He died for his family’s sins. He rose again to free His family from slavery to sin. He is calling his family to repent and love Him deeply. Love Jesus and love your family.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

#Marriage Preview - Men and Marriage

“The key to understanding masculinity is Jesus Christ. Jesus was tough with religious blockheads, false teachers, the proud, and bullies. Jesus was tender with women, children, and those who were suffering or humble. Additionally, Jesus took responsibility for Himself. He worked a job for the first thirty years of His life, swinging a hammer as a carpenter. He also took responsibility for us on the cross, where He substituted Himself and died in our place for our sins. My sins are my fault, not Jesus' fault, but Jesus has made them His responsibility. This is the essence of the gospel, the "good news." If you understand this, it will change how you view masculinity.” - Mark Driscoll

#Marriage - The Purpose of Marriage

Marriage has a purpose.

Is that statement true? Does marriage have a purpose anymore? Isn’t marriage cultural and outdated?

Marriage does have a purpose. Marriage reflects truth about God.

The Creation of Marriage

Marriage was created, formed, and designed by God (Genesis 2), and marriage started off as a perfect relationship between man and woman with their God. God created marriage to be the closest human relationship that humans are supposed to have with one another (Genesis 2:23). Adam loved Eve perfectly. Eve loved Adam perfectly. The garden of Eden was a place of perfect relationship between husband, wife, man, woman, and their Creator God who loved them perfectly.

Marriage Today

The easiest observation in most marriages today is that there is something clearly wrong. Some marriages end in divorce and some marriages consist of rape, adultery, abuse, selfishness, disunity, and resentment - just to name a few. The culture that we live in promotes hooking up, living together, and avoiding marriage for as long as possible.

In March, the Washington Post published an article that stated this:

“48 percent of all first births are now to unmarried women. Thus, the nation is at a tipping point, on the verge of moving into a new demographic reality where the majority of first births in the United States precede marriage.”

How did all this start? What happened to marriage to change its original state to the state today in the United States?

The Cause and Effect

Surprisingly the cause of marriage brokenness happened not much after the first marriage in history. Adam and Eve were active representatives for us in the garden of Eden, and they did what we would have done in their situation: sin.

In Genesis 3 we see that Adam and Eve sinned and rebelled against God. Eve sinned first, but Adam was held responsible for his family when God came to Him and asked him “Where are you” (Genesis 3:9). Eve partook first and Adam sinned by not leading his family towards God and actively disobeying God’s word to not eat the fruit.

Sin sent shockwaves through the foundation of marriage. Ever since this happened marriages have been fractured due our sinful desires to save ourselves and not rely on God for guidance and salvation. Marriages, since then, have included horrific and sinful thoughts, words, and deeds. There has not been one perfect marriage since.

The Purpose of Marriage

The purpose of marriage has been distorted and twisted into our own desires and ways since the effect of sin. The need for God to redeem us has come in the Son of God, Jesus Christ. Jesus came to die for sinners (Romans 5:8), which includes all of us (Romans 3:23), so that we may love him with a new heart (Ezekiel 11:19) and pursue a life devoted to following Him (Mark 8:34).

Now that Jesus is the cornerstone of the church (Ephesians 2:20), His people, we are to seek to redeem marriages as He has redeemed us to live a life of freedom and obedience to Him alone (Galatians 5:1, 13).

The original intent and purpose for marriage was the reflect Jesus and the church. This might seem odd at first glance, but Paul says that marriage reflects the relationship between Jesus and His church of believers (Ephesians 5:22-33).

Jesus has freed us to be married as we were originally designed. God the Father is freeing us to live a life of joy, freedom, and love through the grace and power of His Son, Jesus Christ. God is making all things new (Revelation 21:5), and one day all marriages will accurately reflect the grace, love, and truth of our Savior.

How does a Jesus-centered marriage look?

In the upcoming weeks there will be new posts describing what a Jesus-centered marriage looks like. I want to do my best to explain what marriage should look for men, and Ali will be writing about what marriage should look like for women. We will collaborate on the final post about fighting and forgiveness in marriage.

I am sincerely excited for the future posts, and I pray that you seek Jesus and start rebuilding your perspective on marriage that is based on the Word of God.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

#Marriage Preview - The Purpose of Marriage

Jesus has freed us to be married as we were originally designed. God the Father is freeing us to live a life of joy, freedom, and love through the grace and power of His Son, Jesus Christ. God is making all things new, and one day all marriages will accurately reflect the grace, love, and truth of our Savior.

The Covenant of Marriage

"In sharp contrast with our culture, the Bible teaches that the essence of marriage is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other. That means that love is more fundamentally action than emotion. But in talking this way, there is a danger of falling into the opposite error that characterized many ancient and traditional societies. It is possible to see marriage as merely a social transaction, a way of doing your duty to family, tribe and society. Traditional societies made the family the ultimate value in life, and so marriage was a mere transaction that helped your family’s interest. By contrast, contemporary Western societies make the individual’s happiness the ultimate value, and so marriage becomes primarily an experience of romantic fulfillment. But the Bible sees GOD as the supreme good – not the individual or the family – and that gives us a view of marriage that intimately unites feelings AND duty, passion AND promise. That is because at the heart of the Biblical idea of marriage is the covenant." 

- Tim Keller in "The Meaning of Marriage"