Hip Hop Heart Cloggin’

Bouncing back and forth to the beat
as if gravity left and this is a moon bounce seat
bobbing my head with the lyrics of heroes
putting them as men without sin, zero

Not understanding that these are fallen men
not wanting open my eyes or my heart to turn
I hold these songs as cures for my top ten
not seeking the proper ointment for the burn

I’m putting more hot coals on top of the skin
hoping to feel the relief of burning it all away
There’s a lot of losing in this game, no chance to win
Listening to poison, expecting the pain to stay

The rhythm flowing through my body, no hobby, just robbin’
all of my desires of righteousness, no chance to look
at the real God because of my cycle of heart cloggin’
pushing the Truth down while lifting up the crook.

The hate of their speech is easy to relate with, so real
I can feel the anger rising inside of me, no love for you
You offer to love me for nothing of my own doing, no deal
You don’t know my heart inside of me, no love for you

The answer is to lash out, to fight back with my fists
to make them feel the pain that I feel deep down, no choice
but to keep pushing back until you truly get the gist
I scream of anger with no one to hear my cries, no voice

When will the answers that I hear in these songs be seen?
When will my reality line up with what I hear in their breath?
My eyes, heart, and mind have never had a linear theme
and that might because it only comes through His life and death.

Beauty Blinds the Bound

The heart slowly races with ease

yet the hands tremble calmly.

Blinking and staring into space

with no end, middle, or beginning

- of the stare not space.

The insignificant purpose-filled man

lays still; no motion to see within the empty moment.

Pondering on nothingness and its beauty

while breathing in nothingness called “air.”

He named it without significance or purpose.

Absently remaining in the present moment purposefully

placing trust in the continuance of existence without ever really existing.

Consciously looking without eyes to see

not knowing his eyes were blind and knowing he didn’t want sight.

Beauty blinds the bound in their own rebellion.

Terrified that life is really death and death is really

Life; Refusing to experience freedom because laying still feels

so good. The tingling numbness pushes death

while the legs remain motionless and restless without knowing

that rest exists not in stillness but in a Person.

Death always felt good as long as it was chosen

but Life chooses those who he wants.

Motion was given, purpose fulfilled, meaning explained

and none of it found in space

but in this Person and Life.

The Fall - Spoken Word

The Pure Weight of Snow

The Pure Weight of Snow

Jacob Luis Gonzales

Softly resting on the branch

is the snow of winter

painting the landscape

glimmering, shining, reflecting light

The weight slowly presses

and the beautiful snow hurts

the branches can’t press back

so they bend, painfully and dramatically

The purity shines and blinds all

those who look at its reflection

yet the sting is desired and pursued

because the light is alluring

The covering of snow allows

little, bare, and dark shapes behind

with no care for its resting place

and its place cracks with no restraint

The gravity pulls so steadily

and no one can push back enough

no one can stop its pressure

with no way of reaching to give rest

Heavily the snow sits and lays still

with no mending options to make and create

yet we all watch the pure and heavy covering

while the branch cracks, snaps, and is destroyed.

#JesusisGreater - Review

This morning was the official release of the new book by poet, speaker, and - as of today - author Jefferson Bethke. The book is called "Jesus > Religion: Why He Is So Much Better Than Trying Harder, Doing More, and Being Good Enough."

I met Jeff last year at a speaking engagement he had at the University of Missouri here in Columbia. He did a couple of his famous poems that included "Why I Hate Religion , But Love Jesus." That particular poem was received well that night, but the poem received commentaries from all sides. Atheists were talking about it, Agnostics were talking about it, Muslims were talking about it, Jews were talking about it, Christians were talking about it... Everyone was talking about it. The discussion that this poem and video created was encouraging to see because people were talking about Jesus. This book is a follow up to his poem, and I believe that there are three reasons that everyone should talk some time to read this book.

1. He is Honest and Authentic
Jefferson Bethke has to be one of the most honest and authentic writers of my generation. He is honest about his battles with fighting against lust, which can be incredibly difficult to share in a book that will get tons of attention. Also, he is open about when he grew up in poverty and how he passionately loves his openly gay mother. His honestly about how the disagree yet they love each other is inspiring and convicting.

He even speaks about how, as a Christian, he still struggled with lust all the way to the point of sleeping with an ex-girlfriend. This is how he described his feelings afterwards:

I’ll never forget the feeling when I got home. I felt hollow, sick, dirty. I was a Christian now. I knew better. I wasn’t supposed to do that anymore! On top of that, I felt even more shame because I had planned what I did and had many opportunities to say no. I’d never had this happen before, and I’ve never had it happen since. The shame and guilt were so palpable that I literally became sick. I stayed up until six o’clock that morning throwing up, feeling so dirty and worthless and thinking I had completely failed God and that he must hate me now. (page 133)

When was the last time that you read a Christian author explicitly tell you the low points of their lives? When was the last time that you read someone open up their lives for their readers to see that they aren't perfect and above the point of the book? Probably never.

Jeff's ability to convey a sense of vulnerability and a sense of strength at the same time displays how Jeff trusts in Jesus' righteousness and His work on the cross. Even thought Jeff openly says he struggles with self-righteousness - which most of us do - but his clear dependance on God's work is evident throughout each chapter of the book.

2. Created For Discussion
It is obvious that this book is for discussion because at the end of the chapters are lists of questions that could be discussed or answered on your own. I found the questions insightful and helpful for each chapter, but I found his writing style probing me to ask my own questions.

Jeff talks about a time his girlfriend broke up with him and how he struggled with suicidal thoughts. He dives into why he struggled with those thoughts:

My worth, my identity, and my satisfaction were all wrapped up in her, and when I lost control of the situation and control of her, it felt like my god was being taken from me. That’s the truth with any idol—it will rock you to your core when it leaves. When a good thing leaves you, it might make you sad. But when an ultimate thing leaves you, you feel like you can’t live anymore. (page 115)

My first thought was, "What, if it left my life, would drive me to think I could not survive without it?"

I immediately felt convicted about two things that I needed to repent of: money and control. I am currently talking about these things now, and I pray that I overcome these idols and start worshipping Jesus rightly.


3. Jesus is Proclaimed
One clear thing about this book is that Jeff talks in depth about how scandalous God's love is for us. I'll let his words speak for the messages he wants to convey:

God doesn’t hide sin. In fact, he put it on display two thousand years ago in a splintered T-shaped piece of wood. Jesus came down to earth, lived the perfect life we never could have, and died the death we should have. And every drop of blood that poured from him was another drop of love falling on us.
Have you ever felt like your sin should be paid for?
It has been. 

All our sins.
All our filth.
All our guilt.
All our shame.
(Page 135).  

The minute we trust in Jesus, our standing becomes his standing. We no longer represent ourselves; Jesus represents us. Our faith isn’t earned. It’s counted. When we trust in Jesus, God then looks at us the same way he looks at Jesus. Even when we mess up, God looks at us and says, “Pure, spotless, blameless, perfect, holy, my child, you’re free!”
That’s what changes a heart and what stirs us to worship.  

That’s what changes someone’s life.
You don’t have to keep trying.
You don’t have to hide your sin.You just have to trust in Jesus who exchanged himself for you at the cross. (Page 137-138). 

The word worship is defined by glory and thanksgiving. We are worshiping when we give glory to something. Whatever we give glory to, we sacrifice for. Sometimes that’s sex; sometimes that’s our jobs; sometimes that’s our reputations. But we all worship something, and we all put pseudo-gods on the thrones of our hearts. 

When Jesus died on the cross, he completely reversed this curse, allowing God to retake his proper place as the one true God of our lives.
(Page 168).  

Go out and buy this book. I know that I saw Jesus in a new light and in a new way, and I know that if you commit to reading this with an open heart that God will shatter what you thought it meant to love God and follow Jesus Christ.

God is good and gracious.

Jacob Luis Gonzales

Jesus > Religion